Same Sex Marriage is Legal: What Now?

By Aleida Moreno on June 28, 2015

Since the announcement that same sex marriage is legal in the United States hit the internet, I have seen many a Facebook share with a caption about how “now everyone is actually equal” or “#love wins” and each time, I’ve felt conflicted. It would be wrong and cynical even for myself, a very critical-of-institutions kind of feminist who identifies with a label under the queer* umbrella to pretend as though the legalization of same-sex marriage isn’t a giant leap away from the conservative, bigoted usual.

The fight to making same sex marriage legal began around the time of the AIDS epidemic of the ’80s when partners of those suffering from AIDS were forbidden from seeing their partners in the hospital because they were not technically “family or spouse.”

The movement began with noble and heartfelt intentions. Gay marriage is legal in the U.S. — now what?

Despite the sickening amount of times I’ve heard the word equality used today, there’s still a lot left to fight for. For queer folk and allies who want to help alike, here is a small list of issues to shift into focus now that this milestone has been reached.

1. Address the transphobia present both in mainstream society and among the LGBTQ community.

There’s more than just LG to LGBTQ and fighting for LGBTQ rights doesn’t just mean fighting for cisgendered homosexual couples’ rights to marriage. Transgender women, especially transgender women of color are victims of all sorts of violence and abuse (both physical and psychological) disproportionately.

Just this year, at least six trans women of color have been murdered.  The hate-driven crimes have, for the most part, remained unspoken about in mainstream media and this is highly likely due to the outdated taboo placed on being trans.

The fact that same sex marriage is legal now does nothing for these and other trans women who are susceptible to becoming victims to ignorance.

–Lamia Beard, 30, Norfolk, VA
–Taja DeJesus, 36, San Francisco, CA
–Penny Proud, 21, New Orleans, LA
–Ty Underwood, 24, North Tyler, TX
–Yazmin Vash Payne, 33, Los Angeles, CA

2. Advocate to put an end to conversion therapy. 

While the 1999 film “But I’m A Cheerleader“ may have put a rom-com spin on the concept of conversion therapy camps, in Real Life they are no fun and you’re a lot less likely to find a super hot new girlfriend and make yourself at peace with your identity than protagonist Megan.

In many places, not exclusively in the United States, conversion therapy is seen as a good solution for ultra-conservative parents/guardians to scare their kids straight. Not only does this concept of a necessary “conversion” make young LGBTQ youth feel as though something is inherently wrong with them for their preferences, it also unnecessarily medicalizes the “condition” being Not Straight.

Conversion therapy and other practices, such as the use of exclusively Christian-associated psychiatrists for LGBTQ children of intolerant parents are extremely traumatizing for the youth. Oftentimes, the treatment of non-normative gender and sexual identities as medical or psychological issues ends badly, a recent example being Leelah Alcorn and her tragic suicide because of her parents’ and peers’ misunderstanding and denying her identity. May she rest in power.

Unless a social reform that involves removing the taboo from identities that aren’t just “gay” or “lesbian,” transgender people, especially transgender people of color, are still in grave danger, and the fact that same sex marriage is legal makes no difference in this facet of LGBTQ rights either.

3. Combat the over-sexualization of queer lifestyles.

Many of the taboos and fears that revolve around the opposition to gay marriage is the question of what happens in these couples’ bedrooms. This is a prime example of the way queer people and queer relationships are over-sexualized as a form of demonization.

Members of the opposition to equality for people regardless of gender or sexual identity seem to imagine bacchanalian orgies as the main interactions between LGBTQ youth and that is terrifying to them. However it’s not just the Straight Opposition that have noted the sexualization of this marginalized group. I’ve had many a conversation with other queer folk who long for safe and inclusive social spaces that aren’t bars or clubs.

If you want to do your part, start spaces on your campus where you and other queer people can interact and connect in non-sexual environments. Start a queer book club or a queer knitting club. Make a facebook group for queer folk on your campus to meet. Make it not about sex, because while sexuality and physical intamacy may mean a lot to some members of the LGBT community, others like aromantic and asexual people can be highly uncomfortable and unwelcome in these kinds of safe spaces.

While events like monthly Hella Gay Dance Party in Oakland, CA make for a great way for queer folk to meet, not all of us are comfortable being around drunk people, or even around dancing.

4. Address the erasure of identities from under the queer umbrella.

All identities are equal, but some are more equal than others. My twist on George Orwell’s famous quote is disappointingly accurate both outside and inside of the queer community.

While they still face a wide range of discrimination, gay men have been a lot more accepted into mainstream culture than other identities under the queer umbrella. Lesbians are still seen as entertainment for men, a porn category, or as a challenge for men to overcome — these poor confused girls that “just haven’t met the right guy.”

However trans, non-binary, bisexual and asexual people seem to be invisible to mainstream culture as well as to some gay and lesbian people. In fact, lesbians bashed bisexual people on camera using all sorts of offensive descriptions of bisexual people but also even going as far as making very transphobic remarks that include statements kind of like “If she’s had a penis inside of her I don’t want to be in there” when asked their opinion of bisexuals.

Asexual people are often marginalized within the LGBTQ community with numerous online forums questioning whether they should be included in the community or not.

So while the news that same sex marriage is legal is definitely something that should be celebrated, we must think of this decision critically. We have a long way to go in the name of True Equality.

Personally, I don’t think that making an example or a grand celebration of homonationalism is necessarily the way to go about this issue. Is assimilation hurting or helping us? What about those of us that don’t care to get married, or those that are polyamorous and still can’t get married? Will members of the LGBTQ communities ever be seen as truly equal?

5. Always remember the importance of correct pronoun usage.

While this one may sound like something out of a high school grammar lesson, it’s one of the easiest and most validating things you can do, queer or not, to support trans and non-binary folk. In the Western world, the gender binary has become the norm, and your pronoun choices have been limited to he or she.

However, many non-western countries did not adhere to the gender binary before colonization. Many Native American groups and other non-Europeans had words for other genders. Their languages changed to accommodate the lifestyles of their people. They/Them is a commonly used “alternative” pronoun for people who do not feel represented well by either he or she. Despite what you may have been thought, using they for a singular person is grammatically correct, but even if it weren’t so, it’s better to be grammatically incorrect than disrespectful to someone’s identity.

Here is a visual of other pronouns and how to use them.

source: itgetsbetteryk.org

Times are a-changin’, stay tuned.

 *Author’s note: My choice to use the word queer in addition to or instead of the LGBTQ acronym stems from my own experiences as a queer woman and my desire to reclaim the slur. While many people in the community are eager to reclaim this word, for many it is still considered a slur. Be considerate with your use of this word if you identify as something under the queer umbrella. If you identify as cisgender and straight, for the sake of being considerate, refrain from using this word.

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